I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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