this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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