oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
