Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
