Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize