my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
