i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
