So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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