I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
