Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize