Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
