Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize