He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
