She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
