p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
