I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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