im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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