you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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