Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
