I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
