Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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