Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
