Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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