So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
