bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
