either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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