you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
