oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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