Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
