I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
