the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
