It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
