I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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