I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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