i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What drink are we having for lunch?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
