And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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