I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize