This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
