My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
