There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
