Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
