Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
