mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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