alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
