was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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