In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
