At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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