if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
