is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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