I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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