is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize