Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
