I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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