I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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