I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize