Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
