I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
