dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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