i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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