even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
