that's an acceptable place to lick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
