why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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