Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
