you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize