haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FUCK WHALES
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
