he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize