she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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