You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
