I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
