If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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