they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
