Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
