I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
