New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
