the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
