You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
