Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
