Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
