Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
