You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
