hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
