I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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