would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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