ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
