They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
