sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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