I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
