omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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